Within the cavity of the human mouth, is a divorce matrix even conceivable?
I mean: do you sometimes wonder why the tongue and the teeth never agigate for divorce, even though they occasionally enter into quarrels?
Especially whenever the tone teeth bites the tongue?
That question becomes pertinent for a number of reasons, considering that:
- they are natural masters in active listening
- they are good at empathizing with one another.
Besides, everyone knows they both have no other option than dwelling together inside the same mouth.
Given this fact, one wonders what could be responsible for their unnecessary misunderstandings?
If we were to view couples in committed relationships in that same light, what gives?
What path leads to unstable love-life and series of separations or divorces?
What role does active and responsive listening play in the mix?
That's our topic in this particular article, using the hyperlinked subtopics below as our guide:
- Understanding Active Listening:
- Features Of Inactive Listening
- Causes Of Inactive Listening
- Effects Of Inactive Listening
- How To Listen Actively To Your Partner
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Understanding Active Listening
"Hold on, take a chilled pill please!"
"I can't. I have had it up to here and can't take any more!"
"What exactly is the problem?"
"How the heck do you cope with somebody who doesn't listen to you? It's as if you are living with yourself all alone!!"
Did you ever encounter such a dialogue before?
Beyond a doubt that's a relationship displaying its discordant tunes.
Given this scenario, one may be tempted to ask:
What has "listening" got to do with relationships or divorce matrix?
The short answer: absolutely a lot.
It's not even only about listening, it's all about "listening well and responding effectively".
We are not talking random listening here.
It goes beyond the superficial appearance or semblance of "listening" - which can be simulated, therefore deceptive and fake.
In reality Active listening involves a conscious effort to hear and observe all verbal and non-verbal messages that are being sent by the speaker.
It also includes giving of feedback in respect of the messages received.
You see, sometimes we can get it wrong.
Committed couples could be knocking their heads against the wall seeking for solutions to their challenges. However, it usually turns out that they are merely chasing shadows.
A common mistake is to confuse mere giving of attention with active listening.
While the former can be manipulative and simply "going through the motions", the latter is a major factor in determining the true health of a relationship.
For example, you could be physically together with someone.
Outwardly you are giving ear to what they say. Yet, in reality, your mind is somewhere else and not hearing what is being said.
Simply put, it's a case of being physically present but mentally absent.
That happens between couples most often, and it's one of the reasons they drift apart, believe me.
To hit the nail squarely on the head, active listening is very important to maintain strong connection and understanding in relationships.
Indeed, if you fail to listen very well to your partner, friend, or loved one, your bond may deteriorate and you find yourselves "drifting apart."
Features Of Inactive Listening
1. When you display impatience by constantly interrupting your partner in mid-sentence
2. Not maintaining eye contact is also a sign of not listening well and betrays the fact that your attention is somewhere else
3. When you exhibit constant fidgeting during a discussion and other forms of distractive body language
4. When you are lost in thought as you mentally prepare your response while the other person is still speaking
5. When you interfere with the flow by trying to change the subject or diverting attention elsewhere
6. Listening like a robot without showing interest or any inclination to ask questions, to clarify or to know more
7. When your attitude suggests that you assume you already know what the other person means and therefore refuses to devote serious attention to the speaker
8. When you are not mentally present and your mind has wandered to other subjects that are not related to the one being discussed
9. When you are definitely and intentionally being dismissive and unresponsive to the speaker's words, for reasons best known to you
Causes Of Inactive Listening
1. To begin with, a lack of interest in the topic always tops the chart.
Under such a condition, the speaker might as well be speaking to a brick wall or themselves
2. Sometimes, couples fail to actively listen because they nurse preconceived negative notions or biases in their minds
3. Again, they might not listen well or actively because they are suffering from negative emotional state such as stress, anxiety, etc.
4. Besides, it could equally happen as a result of lack of sleep and fatigue, which adversely affects concentration or focus
5. Moreover, when people find themselves being on the defensive, they are hardly ready to listen willingly to what others say.
Instead, they tend to become overly reactive and dismissive
6. Furthermore, if the speaker is ambiguous or vague and making no rational sense, it might be impossible to receive an active listening ear.
7. Likewise, if the tone is aggressive, confrontational and hostile, it might be difficult to attract active listening.
8. In addition, perchance you are bugged down with too many tasks and thinking of so many things you want to do, you may not be able to listen well or actively when your partner is talking.
9. A distractive environment and situation may also make active listening during chats impossible.
Ready examples include ringing phone-calls and messages, television sounds, construction works noises, etc.
10. Finally, if a person is overwhelmed by personal concerns, worries and issues, it would be a herculean task to concentrate on the present or to give active listening ear.
Negative Effects Of Not Listening Well
1. Remember our example of the tongue and teeth?
In the same manner, inactive listening may lead to miscommunication and trigger misunderstandings in relationships.
2. Secondly, not listening actively to them may give people the notions or feelings that they are unappreciated , undervalued, and not validated.
This of course portends red light for committed couples.
3. Undoubtedly, it could affect relationships in another way.
Being unable to enjoy active listening may erode intimacy within couples and cause them to lose trust in one another over time.
4. Also, inactive listening makes it very difficult for couples to be on the same page.
For this reason they could find it tough to come together to resolve collective issues and challenges.
5. Similarly, not being able to interact effectively may expose them to stress and tension.
In turn it may lead to increased conflict and arguments between them.
6. As a corollary, not being able to actively listen to themselves could erode their emotional connection, damage their bond, and transform them to strange bedfellows.
7. Finally, if this continues long enough without a break, it may drive partners or spouses further apart.
That could end up terminating their relationship.
How To Prevent Inactive Listening Amongst Couples
1. For a start, let's understand that body language is a critical aspect of communication amongst couples.
You should utilize it positively to enhance active listening in your relationship.
For insurance, looking at the soeaker and nodding when they talk shows you're paying attention.
It additionally announces that you care about what they're saying.
2. Likewise, as the saying goes, "it takes two to tango" - meaning that your active input is essential for resolving the issues on ground.
Therefore you must push away all forms of distractions during talks - like your phone.
This will enable you to focus on the person talking and prove that you're really listening.
3. More to the point, be sure to actively participate in the communication.
Don't allow it to be a one-way flow.
Contributing shows that you are listening very well.
To enrich your interaction, you should also ask open-ended questions that encourage the soeaker to provide detailed, thoughtful answers.
Examples include:
1. What?
2. How?
3. Why?
4. Tell me more
5. Can you tell me about...?
4. Again, you should ensure that you properly follow and grasp all issues of the communication.
You can successfully achieve this by paraphrasing and summarizing what the other person said immediately.
5. Invariably, you need to demonstrate empathy and understanding towards the speaker.
It helps them to feel that they are heard and valued.
It motivates them to share their thoughts and feelings openly and willingly.
6. Also, you should ensure that you fully track or follow the discussion.
You can do this by resisting all dismissive attitudes and urges to interrupt the speaker.
7. Furthermore, concentration is key.
You should focus on the speaker's words and relate with their emotions.
8. Moreover, if it's true that desperate situations demand desperate measures, then be innovative.
To ensure you miss nothing, take notes during your chat if necessary.
9. In addition, be very intentional about actively listening to yourselves.
Schedule or set aside mutually conducive time to be specifically dedicated to holding quality discussion with your partner.
10. On a final note, you should endeavor to be interested in personal growth.
Show active willingness to learn new things.
Develop a growth mindset.
This will motivate you to listen to people more enthusiastically and actively.
Conclusion
As we have examined in this article, active listening is one of the mandatory triggers for an enduring relationship.
Failure to listen can lead to unpalatable events, such as misunderstandings, hurt feelings, even relationship breakdown, etc.
However, I trust that we can change the narrative by applying the recommendations included in this post.
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