Tips To Eschew Jealousy In Your Relationship

As a common Fault-line in relationships, how does Jealousy trigger or cause conflicts - and at its extreme, divorce or separation?

Are there any feasible solutions in sight? 

In clearer terms, is it possible to  overcome or prevent jealousy and salvage you union?

For sure, Jealousy is like a security guard seeking to protect its human and material jewel.

As a relationship fault-line, it is one of the greatest triggers or grounds for divergence, separation, and divorce.

For couples who desire to enjoy crisis-free bonding, they must avoid jealousy as if obeying a series of blinding "Keep off!" red lights or warning signals.

Let's talk about it using these linked subtopics as our compass:

• The Spark Of Conflicts
  
• Its Features
• The Causes
• How To Resist Jealousy
  

JEALOUSY, The Spark Of Conflicts

Ever been JEALOUS before ?

If you're in love ... yeah, maybe you have.

Love can be a complex phenomenon to handle even at the best of times.

It has a way of making us feel possessive or obsessed about the guy we love or the things we cherish.

Jealousy, I believe, is the way we react to trespasses upon our favourite claims or safe havens.

On one hand, you can think of it like a form of protest or complaint which you issue whenever you believe that someone is trying to rob you of a relationship or possession.

On the other hand, consider it a declaration that warns the threating agent to "back off!'

For couples to adequately understand JEALOUSY and its underlying tones, let's simplify its nature.

You may view it as a powerful emotion that's fueled by strong worries, insecurity, and resentment.

More emphatically, it is what you feel when :

• You are scared of losing someone or something you cherish so much ( therefore you become protective)

• Someone's getting more attention than you (and you feel so driven up the wall you can't just bear it anymore!)  

• You are wary of sharing your treasure ( a lover, favourite possession, etc) with someone else

• You fear you are losing your guy to another person and feel neglected or abandoned (you need validation)

In definition terms, we may see Jealousy as an emotional reaction (anger, bitterness, resentment, etc) from someone who thinks that another person is attempting to snatch their lover, friend, or property away.

Features Of Jealousy

As an embodiment of emotional Fault-lines, couple's challenges, or weakness to bonding, it is a prevalent source of interpersonal, marital and romance conflicts.

What can we identify as its common threads or features?

1. Fault-finding: 

 in which case you frequently find fault with your partner and accuse them of cheating or flirting with others, even without having any shred of evidence.

2. A Suspicious Mindset:

When you are being steadfastly suspicious,   challenging or  questioning the intentions and activities of your mate, even when they are obviously innocent

3. Distrust: 

A narrative of tefusing to trust or believe in your partner's commitment and loyalty, as a result  regularly displaying doubts about the relationship.

4. Ignoring Personal Boundaries :

Indecently interfering with individual privacy (e.g. by checking your partner's phone records, social media traffic, etc ) or even following or monitoring them  without their knowledge or  permission.

5. Fear of Losing Out:

Showing signs of restlessness, being panicky and  always worrying about letting your mate, partner or treasure slip through your fingers.

6. Possessive Attitude:

Treating your mate or spouse not like a human being but rather as if a  property which only you must have exclusive right or access to.

7. Obsessive behaviour: 

When endlessly consumed with or lost in thinking about your partner, which influences you to intensely disapprove of their connections and interactions with other people.

8. Emotional Instability:

Overreacting negatively to what you perceive as possible threats ( though most unlikely not ) to your hearththrob or cherished asset.

9. Comparing your relationship

 unfavorably to others, such as the way the other couple treat each other and how you are not getting same from your own sweet heart.

By so doing,  injecting additional grounds for jealousy.

10. Acting on assumptions 

or  being presumptuous ( by reading false meanings into honest interactions or connections of your guy).

You end up making judgments that are not based on facts.

11. Resentment:

 Because you hold on tight to your suspicion that your guy is having inappropriate dealings with another fellow. Whether that is confirmed or not,   you could be holding onto grudges and visiting undeserved  resentment on your partner.

12. Being Confrontational:

From suspicion to nursing grudges, it's a natural progression to constantly arguing and confronting your partner due to jealousy.

Damages It Inflicts On Couples

What is the impact of Jealousy on a couple's bonding?

Let's check these out

1. Diminished Trust:

With jealousy on rampage, trust suffers.

You know how it is: once you begin to suspect your mate, the foundation of trust is shattered and all you will  have left are mistrust, suspicion, and accusations.

2. Conflicts Galore:

Without mincing words, one of the beginnings of a call for conflict resolution is the cause of conflict itself.

In this regard, Jealousy obviously steals the cake.

It sparks unnecessary and avoidable arguments, conflicts, and emotional turmoil.

3. Damages Communication:

Undoubtedly too, it discourages open communication between couples.

As a result, they could become defensive, edgy, and unable to conduct honest dialogue together.

4. Fosters Possessiveness:

If it starts out as just a case of being possessive,  that's just a thin line before it expands into controlling behavior and other negative entitlement practices which may end up  suffocating the partner.

5. Violating Individual Space:

Beyond the earlier points, it could lead couples to lose respect for each other's  boundaries.

That means encroaching on personal space and abusing privacies, which can cause all manner of discord and disharmony.

6. Emotional Distress:

Needless to say, a jealous person suffers  intense emotional trauma which affects their mental health.

These include emotional pains and distress, depression, anxiety, and  stress.

7. Damage To Intimacy:

Remember what we said about distrust?

Yeah, that happens to intimacy too.

Considering the amount of tension that comes along with it, Jealousy makes it next thing to impossible to sustain or maintain a healthy level of intimacy between couples, both emotionally and physically.

8. Fosters Resentment:

If you allow jealousy to steep for too long without deflating it, it could easily develop into  deep-seated resentment and bitterness.

9. Stifling Growth:

Invariably, uncontrolled or excessive jealousy is counterproductive.

For example, it has a great capacity to stifle personal growth, freedom, and independence.

10. Diminishes Relationship Stability:

Last but not least, unmanaged jealousy is like the proverbial example of "going to sleep with your roof on fire".

What this suggests is that if you do nothing to address it, it may gradually but steadily eat up the stability and longevity of your romance and cause it to breakdown or crash.

Some Habits Which Cause Jealousy

What activities should couples avoid in order to keep their relationship in good health?

More particularly, what are habits which usually trigger jealousy?

Let's examine some of the factors now.

1. Inappropriate Flirting:

For somebody who's single and not in a  committed relationship, "flirting" might not be a big deal.

After all, as a playful charming conduct it's meant to attract or woo someone romantically or socially.

It mostly include:

• Lighthearted banter

• Teasing

• Compliments

• Body language

However, if you are romantically attached to somebody and is part of a couple - flirting with other people, no matter how subtle, will definitely spark jealousy and  negatively affect your bond.

2. Being Secretive About Connections:

Come to think of it, being unnecessarily secretive can also raise the suspicion of your partner.

Indeed, hiding your connections, friendships,  and interactions can contribute a mile of multiple rooms for  jealousy.

3. Giving Inappropriate Attention To Others:

Yes, amongst the triggers, score this one high.

Nothing breeds jealousy and makes a partner feel insecure, neglected or overlooked as much as when you are devoting excessive attention to a third party - to their own detriment.

4. Comparing Your Partner To Another:

Even at the best of times, looking over the fence at other people's performance has never yielded positive results.

To extend same to comparing  your partner unfairly is the worst that can happen to a relationship.

Not only does it erode confidence and trust, it

encourages yearning for what others have but which you lack.

5. Keeping late Nights:

Another factor is when someone frequently keeps late nights (returns home late) and is secretive about their whereabouts or who they were with.

Trust me, such mysterious absences or periods not accounted for may fuel suspicion and jealousy to no end.

6.  Close Contact With  Exes:

Maintaining close relationships with exes (former spouse, lover, etc), to a large extent, can germinate unease and avoidable complications.

It may raise questions about loyalty and commitment.

7. Too Much Friendliness With Opposite Gender:

Ordinarily, there's absolutely nothing amiss with being friendly. It's what makes the world move smoothly.

However, when it has to do  with an opposite gender, hey! watch it.

To be too friendly or attentive in this context may raise serious concerns and jealousy from your other half or partner.

8. Hiding Online Activity:

Again, similar to being secretive about friendships, comes your  online activities.

It doesn't matter what your motivations are but if you set an impression of hiding them, your partner's definitely going to become suspicious and might assume that you are conducting an improper affair or being disloyal somehow.

I have heard jealous people retort: "If it's not true, why hide it from me?"

9. Lack Of Transparence And Decency:

In addition, as I implied earlier, there's nothing amiss in having 3rd party friends, it's your conduct that makes the difference.

If you refuse to be transparent about your intentions and fail to be decent or cautious in how you go about it, you may become suspect and invite suspicion and distrust to yourself.

The Role Of Validation In Preventing Jealousy

Validation plays a very important role in relationships, particularly in preventing jealousy.

Don't ask me why: we human beings naturally yearn for validation and if we don't get it, we react in various forms of emotional protest or complaint.

As a matter of fact, at the root of most jealous attitudes lies a thick vein of disaffection, which flows from lack of validation.

Basically, here are some of its common benefits:

1. It reduces insecurity 

by making individuals feel that they are seen, heard, and understood.

2. When a couple, 

spouses, partners etc validate each other's emotions,  it fosters  mutual trust in them and strengthens the bond they share.

3. It helps couples to 

eliminate their fears and anxieties,  giving them greater emotional assurance so that they can be less prone to jealousy.

4. It creates a sense of 

emotional safety, and greatly reduces lovers' instincts for possessiveness and control.

5.  Not to be left out: 

mutual validation makes it easy to share ideas, concerns and feelings, to  discuss openly, and removes  sentimental barriers and reservations.

How Can You Apply Validation To Neutralize Jealousy in Your Relationship?

Here are some useful steps:

1. Identifying, accommodating and addressing  the feelings or worries of your partner.

2. Understanding and respecting your mate's perspectives and points of view.

3. Acknowledging and appreciating  your partner's experiences.

4. Empathetically showing concern and deep care for  their well-being.

How couples Can Resist Jealousy And Enrich Their Connection

Given everything we've said so far, how can you Eschew Jealousy from your relationship?

1. Don't Be Possessive:

Let's be frank, Love can be so controlling that the line between individuals may easily get blurred.

You may become possessive.

Don't be!

Resist it.

Drum it into your mind that your  partner is an individual with their own agency.

By this I mean they have personal right to autonomy, decision-making, self-determination, and so on.

By all means respect this and avoid exhibiting possessive or controlling habits.

2.  Avoid flirting

Recall that I earlier indicated flirting as one of the reasons for romantic insecurities.

It's synonymous with playing with fire and you are most likely going to get your fingers burnt.

Solution: don't do it.

Avoid it as if your life depended on the abstinence. 

You can take it to the bank that your relationship actually does.

3.  Be careful how you relate with your ex.

This one is dicey, okay?

Talking about loyalty and commitment, nothing can threaten a relationship and cause jealousy as much as when your mate keeps seeing you in the company of your ex.

Best to let your past rest in the past and focus on your present alliance.

4.  Be inclusive: 

When you keep excluding your partner from your intentions and programmes, it will create strains and suspicion.

Give yourselves a sense of belonging, of being accepted, welcomed, and valued.

Resist taking unilateral actions but mostly let your partner be in the know of your activities or being involved somehow.

5.  Be transparent and considerate 

about the  friendships and alliances you maintain.

Respect your romantic commitment.

Don't get too close to 3rd parties. 

Observe best practices, such as  respectable distancing, and moderation in communication.

6. Don't be secretive.

Hiding things probably suggests that you are conducting illicit affairs or have skeletons in your cupboard.

It raises all the wrongs emotions of doubts and alarms in couples.

It's best to be open and honest about what you are doing, who you are seeing, and what your intentions are.

I tell you for free, doing so helps to avert a lot of avoidable headaches or crises in your association.

7.  Never ignore your partner.

One of the worst scenarios is to create the impression that they  are of no value in the scheme of things.

You should give them attention, give listing ear to them at all times, and respond positively to their concerns.

8.  Be affectionate.

Let your manner promote mutual  intimacy and bonding.

By fostering emotional connection and intimacy you ought to succeed in enhancing your shared affection for each other and as such limit  grounds for jealousy.

9.  Don't Be Obsessive. 

Resist that instinct at all cost, because it's absolutely counterproductive.

You and I should understand how obsession can promote jealousy and make someone do crazy things, including:

• monitoring your guy's movements,

• ompulsive questioning of their activities and whereabouts

• relentlessly  doubting their loyalty, checking their phones and messages, poke-nosing into their social media interactions etc.

10. Trust your partner 

and  have faith in their  commitment and actions.

Failure to do that can lay a foundation for jealousy.

Instead, focus on building trust between both of you.

11. Work on your insecurities.

It's easier to become jealous when you feel insecure.

To prevent this you should develop a positive self-image

and concentrate on building self-confidence.

This will assist you to reduce your urge for external validation.

12. Avoid Overdependence.

Sure, relationships naturally beat a steady drum of mutual dependence which oils the engine of love.

However, here's a candid advice for you: let it be moderate, because excessive dependence on your mate can make you vulnerable and weak.

It could make you to become anxious and desperate about losing their attention and validation.

13. In addition, self discipline 

and exemplary conduct is key.

For example, some of these habits are negatively suggestive and may give wrong signals of disloyalty, thereby generating suspicion:

• coming home late at night

• talking too much about a particular person (a 3rd party, especially of opposite gender).

To eliminate room for disagreement, you should not indulge in such behaviour.

14. Finally, demonstrate 

serious commitment and devotion.

This is perhaps the most important key to warding off or eliminating jealousy.

What you give is what you get, so give your best to the relationship:

Invest time, effort, and love into it, and you are sure to be rewarded with mutual growth and fulfillment.

Conclusion

In the above paragraphs, I believe we have been able to establish Jealousy as one of the common triggers of conflicts, separations and divorce.

Essentially too, we highlighted key steps we can apply to neutralize it, in the overall interest of the couples involved.

I hope that this article has added value in a tangible way to conflicts resolution efforts.

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